Day 1 and 2 of the transformation

Yesterday, I decided I was going to become everything I've always wanted to be.
I went back to a vegan diet.
I'm going to be consuming between about 300-500 cal a day, mostly from raw fruits and veggies.
So far its going quite well.
I've had so much trouble in the past going back to a vegan diet, but this time... I don't even care to touch meat or dairy ever again, honestly.
I made my roommate bacon for breakfast. The only thing I was thinking about the whole time was how long it would take before I could get to making my scrambled tofu (which was delicious, btw.)
I also had a piece of toast with a bit of apple butter, and a peach and dandelion greens smoothie.
It all came out to 500 cal, rounding up.
I'm done for the day, just water and tea the rest of it. Maybe a small apple later.
I didn't eat yesterday.
Didn't feel the need to.
I'm sticking with this.
Fasting probably 1 or 2 days a week.
I should reach my goal weight in a couple months.
I'm starting at 127 as of two days ago. I haven't weighed myself since. I'm going to try to make myself only weigh in every 3 days, because 10 times a day isn't accurate and usually only makes me feel bad.
I plan on being under 100lbs.
90 is the goal, but I know I'll plateau somewhere along the line.

I'm going into the studio on Thursday to record my album...
I'm a procrastinator and haven't even finished all my songs.
I have 3 days to finish 3 more songs.
I'm ridiculous.

I miss California.
I hate the snow.
I love my boyfriend more than I ever thought I'd love one of those significant other things.

I painted my room.
Sort of.
I'm surrounded in lyrics that remind me why I'm still alive.

I have to finish cleaning.
I have to finish organizing.
I have to finish painting.
I have to find a job.
I have to stay busy enough to keep my mind off all the things that make me want to kill myself.

I used to be a giraffe.
I used to be invisible.
I used to be happy.

The only thing that makes me happy anymore is laying with the one I love and pretending we can stay there forever.
I hate being codependent.
I'm afraid he's going to leave me if I get too attached.
If he leaves me, I'll have absolutely nothing left.
It'll be the end of everything for me.
Thats selfish.
I don't care.
I'm human.
Selfish is what we do.

I'm tired of fighting.
I'm tired of losing.
I'm giving it one more chance.

I'm suffocating myself with chemicals and clutter.
It makes me feel safe.