I told another lie today, and I got through this day

Not disappointment.
Sadness.
Overwhelming indecision.
I need something to plan.
Something to look forward to.

More proof that my plans never work out.

I need to runaway again.
Just for a little while.
Just to remind myself I'm not stuck here forever, going through the same routine everyday with nothing to expect, but repetition.

I can't do it.
I'll go crazier than I am.
And nobody can handle me crazier than this.
Especially not myself.

decide what you don't want before you decide what you do want

Today.
OH.
Today.

Today, I spent an entire 6 hour shift organizing and cleaning the hairspray section of a store that only has 3 isles.
It was actually really nice.
Time went by so fast, and I felt productive.
Ish.

I was also awake at 8am.
And ok with it.
I kind of like this whole getting up early, having coffee, and DOING SHIT kind of thing.
I cleaned out my van too, which hasn't happened in... uh... a while.

Picked up some furniture for my bedroom, which I'd be organizing right now if I didn't have to be up in about 5 hours.

My boyfriend was having some issues today.
Sometimes I forget how fortunate I am to not really give a damn what other people think.
Of course I care about my family and friends... but I believe each person's life is their own. We don't have enough time to worry about making other people happy. We have to enjoy our own lives, I mean... we all get one, right? Make the best of it. Don't let other people live vicariously through you because they're not satisfied with the choices they made, or because they think you should end up exactly like them.

I didn't go to college.
I don't plan to.
I work an average part-time job that gets me by in my medium-sized to bedroom apartment with fixed utilities, a really fat cat, and a kind of awesome roommate.
I don't plan on ever getting into management in a chain company, nor do I plan on working the same job at all for 30 years until I retire.
That'd be too boring.

But I'll be satisfied getting by and being content with spurts of spontaneous excitement that never really make much sense, nor coincide with anything else I've ever done in life.
It's entertaining, and makes life worth living.
Who wants to do the same thing everyday for the rest of forever?
Whats the point in that?
Hell no.
Road trip!
Even if it's just some town in Nebraska that nobody has ever heard of.
At least it is some place new.
New people.
New things.
New experiences.

Repetition is the devil, as I'm sure Bobby Bouche's mom would say.
I refuse to be another cookie, cut out from the same recipe as everyone else, heading through the same oven at the same temperatures, ending up on the same santa-shaped platter.

Fuck that.
I'm gonna be happy, dammit.

Day 1 of the rest of my LIFE

Today has started out unconventionally enough. I woke up at 7am. That never happens. I stayed in bed for a good 2 hours before I realized I wasn't going to be able to fall back asleep with my cat attacking my face every 12 seconds.
So.
I made myself get up and be at least a little productive. I used my new $120 flat iron that I purchased for $40 yesterday from my place of employment that requires you to at least look decent during the work day.
I then made some hot water with my new stolen (from my mother, not from a store) coffee pot. I had intentions of drinking cranberry green tea with said water... Before accepting the fact that green tea tastes like ass hair and vomit. So I dumped it out and made some organic instant coffee that doesn't taste much better, but compliments my morning cigarette just a tad more.
Still having a good 2.5 hours before having to leave for work, I decided to check yahoo news - something I've never done ever.
The most interesting story?
Willie Nelson was charged with possession after they found 6 ounces of marijuana on his tour bus in Texas.
He's 77.
Can't he just smoke some pot and make music in peace?

I just had a lovely morning conversation with my roommate about possible ways to make money without technically being employed.
This seems like a good idea.
We don't take well to authority.
Nor schedules.
Anyone want their nails or hair done for $10-$15?
How about a weekly meal plan that can be afforded on a budget of $20?
Thats right.
I'm about to be -that- person.

So now I'm sitting here, smoking my second to last cigarette, wondering what the hell I'm going to do with my life in the next 2-4 years.
I'm in love with a musician who works at Hot Topic.
I double as a Sales Associate at Sally's Beauty, and a lethargic ChaCha guide who rarely answers questions.
I have experience in nearly every form of employment that doesn't require a college degree, or 100% attendance.
And all I really want to do with my life is be somebody else, and occasionally play some music.
I'm a manically depressed, generally anxious, fibromyalgic optimist who refuses to take the pills that are supposed to make me a brain-dead robot.
I wear ugly .50 cent sweaters from thrift stores, the same 3 pairs of pants, and my hair changes colour weekly.
I have problems with food and my body, and I'm ok with it.
I have an IQ of 146, I was one ASSIGNMENT away from getting my high school diploma, and I don't particularly feel the need to get my GED.
I'm a fan of my family, and of Jerry Lewis movies.
My vocabulary and general knowledge base are my best weapons, and I'm intimidated by anyway who has a bigger one than me.
I hate math.
I love science.
And pomegranates.
I'm the most reliable friend you could ever find when it comes to support.
I'm the most unreliable person you could ever find when it comes to being on time.
I'm still disappointed that I never received my Hogwarts letter.
I secretly wish I could be a sell-out and be happy with settling down, working a mediocre job, living a mediocre life for the rest of forever, but if that happened I would probably end up killing myself.
My only goals are to be sufficiently content with life in general, and to get the hell out of Ohio.

Hey, how you doing? I'm Styna, and I'm kind of fond of being honest.
You should give it a try sometime.
It's relieving.